The BoldHeart Mama is at her best—for herself and for her family—when her thoughts, energy, and daily rhythms are aligned, and when her basic needs are met.
Every day the BoldHeart Mama has an opportunity to reconnect with her authentic and true self, in all her varied roles, through the five BoldHeartMama Anchors: peaceful (Parts 1 and 2), connected, nurtured, purposeful, and inspired. Nature is a core element in the BoldHeart Life.
The BoldHeartMama Anchors are a set of core desires that when met help the BoldHeartMama to feel satisfied and whole.
This is one in a series of posts expanding on the BoldHeartMama Anchors.
I want to feel a sense of peace about the long and short-term decisions I make in mothering my kids, and in the ways that I invest my resources of time, energy, and money. I also want to enjoy a more literal peace and harmony in the daily home life that I create for my family.
Today I’m sharing Part I of the Peace Anchor: finding peace in the decisions I make for myself and for my family.
This approach to decision-making expands to a philosophy that calms those nagging worries and fears that change and commitment tend to bring out in me. It lessens the unnecessary stresses I create for myself in seeking out a sense of control.
Addressing Life's Big Decisions
My former approach to solving problems and making decisions was to take a look at the big picture, focus-in on a desired outcome, and then break down the steps needed to get from here to there. With a plan in hand and some wiggle room for the unforeseen, I could follow the map I'd drawn and make revisions as needed, while continuing forward progress toward my goal.
This very practical approach offered a way to feel organized and a nice sense of control as I tackled each step, yet it required me to map out a path in advance and stick to it.
Now that I'm a mother with a family to care for—and many different perspectives to consider with multiple variables and needs to address simultaneously—decision-making isn't quite so straightforward. Some decisions feel complex or with great consequence, and the added responsibility to choose the "right" answer or path can be overwhelming.
Over the years I've adopted a new approach to addressing life's big decisions that is largely about letting go, living in the moment, and taking it one step at a time.
Enjoying Life
I simply want to enjoy my experience as a mother and to make the most of this one life I have, and I want the same for my family. I don’t want to spend my time and energy ruminating and planning for every permutation of a given scenario for fear of a lost opportunity or a wrong turn—even for the decisions that feel like really big ones. It is a waste of my time to invest my energy in solving problems I don’t yet have.
I understand that family life can be demanding and that it is often necessary to look ahead in order to anticipate everyone's needs and wants and to begin to make plans for those things as we move into new seasons of the year and of our lives. Having a desired outcome can be helpful for guiding priorities and investments of time, energy, and money, and while I appreciate the usefulness of working toward something specific (a tangible feeling, accomplishment, or outcome) it’s another thing to be so focused on mapping out in advance our plans of action—or to become so rigid in carrying out our plans—that we miss out on the synchronous opportunities that often happen in the moment, and the magic happening right in front of us.
I embrace thoughtful dialogue with myself and with my husband, and others in my circle, about what is important to me. I enjoy the iterative process of checking-in in this way to assess what’s working and what’s not working, and also to invest time in considering the best ways to move forward.
I've learned to stay open to all the possibilities. And I really mean ALL of them, even the ones that don't seem all that possible or realistic. Don't let your own high standards or the expectations of others limit your imagination. Be honest. What do you really want or need right now? What does your gut say? Listen to that first. There are creative ways to make all things possible.
One thing I’ve learned in the last few years is that sometimes (okay, a lot of the time) it’s only really necessary to take just ONE small step in a direction. ANY direction. It's true. Right now, that’s really all that’s needed. I don’t have to be certain in this moment what will come three steps ahead.
Sure, wouldn’t it be great if we could know? But, seasons change, feelings change, people change, and our lives are ever-evolving. What we thought was true or right in one moment may not be so after we dig deeper to learn more, or after we sit with our decisions for a time to see if it really is the thing we thought it could be, or to observe if we feel the way we thought we might.
If the step I take is in the right-for-me-and-my-family direction I will know it. If the step I take is in the wrong-for-me-and-my-family direction I will know it. Either way, I get the opportunity to receive some feedback—whether a gut feeling, a new idea, a shift in perspective or family dynamic—and then I can take one more step in any direction I choose.
Intentionally choosing to address only what is right in front of me allows me to stay in the moment of now, to try out new ideas, and not get weighed down with the notion that I must choose the absolute best decision right from the start. Sometimes we're not certain what is best. Choosing to address what is right in front of me relieves me of the burden and pressure and stress of figuring everything out before I even make my first move, or worse—sticking with a plan that no longer serves me.
This kind of restraint to stay in the now can be tough. When I feel doubt creeping in or anxiety ramping up I often have to remind myself that I can't really go wrong. Nope. Not really. This life is made up of the trying and failing and trying again, and all that we learn about ourselves as we do the work.
My plans are always as of today, because I give myself permission to change my mind if I change my mind, and to deviate from plan or adjust my goals whenever life calls for it. I continue to get better at being totally OK with that. It's truly less about giving up, and more about letting go.
Sometimes I feel guilt and unease sitting with the not knowing, and that's when I have to take a pause and let it sink in that few choices are permanent. There is always tomorrow, or fifteen minutes from now. I can change my mind again or continue to make the smallest deviations to right our little ship and stay on course.
I find peace in this approach because I am free to follow my heart, to make mistakes, to change my mind, let go, and admit that I don't have all the answers and that I can't know for certain how it all turns out in the end.
Generating Ideas
I embrace thoughtful dialogue with myself and with my husband, and others in my circle, about what is important to me. I enjoy the iterative process of checking-in in this way to assess what’s working and what’s not working, and also to invest time in considering the best ways to move forward.
I've learned to stay open to all the possibilities. And I really mean ALL of them, even the ones that don't seem all that possible or realistic. Don't let your own high standards or the expectations of others limit your imagination. Be honest. What do you really want or need right now? What does your gut say? Listen to that first. There are creative ways to make all things possible.
Taking One Step in Any Direction
One thing I’ve learned in the last few years is that sometimes (okay, a lot of the time) it’s only really necessary to take just ONE small step in a direction. ANY direction. It's true. Right now, that’s really all that’s needed. I don’t have to be certain in this moment what will come three steps ahead.
Sure, wouldn’t it be great if we could know? But, seasons change, feelings change, people change, and our lives are ever-evolving. What we thought was true or right in one moment may not be so after we dig deeper to learn more, or after we sit with our decisions for a time to see if it really is the thing we thought it could be, or to observe if we feel the way we thought we might.
If the step I take is in the right-for-me-and-my-family direction I will know it. If the step I take is in the wrong-for-me-and-my-family direction I will know it. Either way, I get the opportunity to receive some feedback—whether a gut feeling, a new idea, a shift in perspective or family dynamic—and then I can take one more step in any direction I choose.
Intentionally choosing to address only what is right in front of me allows me to stay in the moment of now, to try out new ideas, and not get weighed down with the notion that I must choose the absolute best decision right from the start. Sometimes we're not certain what is best. Choosing to address what is right in front of me relieves me of the burden and pressure and stress of figuring everything out before I even make my first move, or worse—sticking with a plan that no longer serves me.
This kind of restraint to stay in the now can be tough. When I feel doubt creeping in or anxiety ramping up I often have to remind myself that I can't really go wrong. Nope. Not really. This life is made up of the trying and failing and trying again, and all that we learn about ourselves as we do the work.
Making Plans
My plans are always as of today, because I give myself permission to change my mind if I change my mind, and to deviate from plan or adjust my goals whenever life calls for it. I continue to get better at being totally OK with that. It's truly less about giving up, and more about letting go.
Sometimes I feel guilt and unease sitting with the not knowing, and that's when I have to take a pause and let it sink in that few choices are permanent. There is always tomorrow, or fifteen minutes from now. I can change my mind again or continue to make the smallest deviations to right our little ship and stay on course.
I find peace in this approach because I am free to follow my heart, to make mistakes, to change my mind, let go, and admit that I don't have all the answers and that I can't know for certain how it all turns out in the end.