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The BoldHeartMama desires to enjoy living out the choices that she’s made for herself and for her family. She is a relentless learner: curious, inquisitive, and open to the possibilities of her life and of the human condition. She understands that there isn't one right way—she asks questions that dig deeper to make sense of it all and to find her own path.

She pays attention to and nurtures whatever it is she really cares about, letting go of the rest (for now) knowing she can't do and be everything all at once. She embraces her imperfections in favor of "good enough"—her imperfect self, her imperfect home, her imperfect mothering, her imperfect desires—and she never stops evolving as a woman and mother. She is a BoldHeart, authentic and true to herself.

The BoldHeartMama knows there is only this one life and she's all in. She is present and engaged and making things happen. Her intuition is her guide. She seeks to be inspired and relies on her creativity and her resourcefulness to solve the big and little challenges that she and her family face together as they navigate their relationships and their world.

The BoldHeartMama is willing to take calculated risks to make her biggest dreams come true. She is living out her BoldHeart in the moment, making small moves and taking little steps that add up, and she's cultivating a good life for herself and her family in the process. Read More!

Thursday, June 7, 2012

More babies!?

What are our plans for adding another baby to the family?

(Whoa, three babies.)

The open enrollment period for our insurance plan is this month and we are adding a maternity rider with the typical 6 month waiting period required before conception. So that puts us in January at the earliest.

Beyond that, I've enjoyed getting pregnant in the Summer and having my babies in the Spring although I'm feeling a lot more relaxed about how it all plays out this time.  I'm open to getting pregnant in any season, and can see the perks of being pregnant and giving birth at any point in a given year.

On good days, and in projecting what life will be like in the future when the boys are 2.5 and 4 for example, or 3 and 5, adding another person to the family feels reasonable and manageable. On days that I feel challenged I have a hard time wrapping my head around EVER having more than two kids, but fortunately those feelings are fleeting and at worst they simplify the big question of when by letting me know NOT NOW, that we are still learning about life as a family of four.

I've been pregnant or nursing for more than three continuous years. My relationship with the kids is still very physically demanding.  I'm trying to be better at recognizing and respecting my own boundaries. I know that learning to do this is important for me and for the kids and that it will be good for all of us if I have some more time in between to pause and refuel before beginning the process again.  Andy and I want to pace life's big changes, if we can, but we hope to have another little one on the way by June of next year.

Like before, I have a list of things I want to do beforehand. Some items are related to the kids like getting Roscoe out of diapers, and weaning Merritt.  Others are about preparing my body to carry a baby to term and doing everything possible to prevent another premature birth. The rest of the to-dos are about enjoying life right now, because it's so good, and savoring the freedoms that continue to come with time.

I turn 30 in two months and the plan is to have two more babies born by the time I turn 35. (Although, the final number seems up for debate lately.) Ideally, I would love to have two girls next, but, given that boys seem to be in the genes, I won't be wagering any confident bets. I also think it would be intense and wonderful to have a house of boys. I guess we'll just have to wait and see!

What do you consider to be ideal spacing for siblings and for parents?

7 comments :

  1. I think our age gap is pretty good. The kids are 22 months apart and they play pretty well together most days.

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  2. I like our 2 year age gap a lot. We also want 4... most days. We also have 2 boys. I desperately want a girl in the mix. I just turned 30 and have the same goal to be done by 35 and some days am scared that 3 children may be the death of me. But, I have faith in our desires and faith we can do it. So I try not to plan to hard and let nature takes it course. But I can relate because that is the big debate currently as our youngest is about to turn 1. When do we go for #3?? For us I thinking november/december. Same age gap so if it is another boy he will hopefully not be left out.

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  3. Hehe, I've always wanted 4 children as well and that number is VERY MUCH up for debate these days too. Heck, more than TWO has been up for debate! My husband is ready to get going asap, but I seem to be pushing it off more and more.
    I love having my kids close in age, so I would say that the 18-24 month spacing is idea. Obviously that isn't going to happen for our next child though. I'm sure there are benefits to having them farther apart too...only one in diapers, older kids are more independent, and if the older kids are in school you get to give more undivided attention to the baby (that's what I've been telling the hubs, but he really doesn't want to wait THAT long, ha!).
    2 boys and 2 girls would be so perfect. If we were still having 4, that's what I'd like as well. For some reason, I really picture us having 3 girls, but we would really love to have a son someday. If only we could pick! Although, I have a friend who had 2 daughters and really wanted a son so she "swayed for a boy" and got one! I'll have to pick her brain when we are ready conceive again!

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  4. Natalie: There's a lot that I like about the <24 month spacing, but only just now. :) The first year and a half were tough. I like the idea of a ~2.5 or 3 year spacing and then another set of babies close together.

    LA: I think the numbers of children in our house will continue to increase until we have a girl! I know we also have some anxiety about how having three kids, or four, will play out for our family and for our marriage. Neither of us like feeling overwhelmed and two feels crazy a lot of the time. We're just soo tired!!

    Mama Tully: Andy is pretty content with two, although is "willing" to try for a girl (lol)...but feels like three is his max. As I mentioned before, I can imagine going to 4 (maaybe 5....) to have a girl. I want that relationship in my lifetime. But 5 sounds like a lot of kids, and a hilarious number given how stretched I feel at the end of the day! And obviously Andy needs to be on board. :) This is a marathon in my mind, and I can only take one step at a time right now. I can imagine feeling complete with two sons and a daughter, so three could be it, but I also think long term to when our kids are teens and when they are grown. I love the idea of big family get togethers, and all that comes with having a large extended family to share and experience life with.

    I know there are some "methods" out there to try to facilitate conception of either sex. What is swaying for a boy!?

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  5. Is this 6 month "wait" with your insurance typical? That seems so wrong, somehow, that your insurance company can dictate birth control/family planning like that. I'm glad that it matches your own timeline, anyway!

    I think I will love having kids 2 years apart as time goes on (25 mos to be specific). I also think it's tough stuff right now (baby + toddler). I can see the advantage of waiting for a gap of closer to 3 years. But there are so many variations of ideal and when it is ideal. It all works out in the end, though, right?

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  6. Mothership: We have an individual health insurance plan so we aren't as protected as we would be with a group plan through an employer. On principle (and in practice) a 6 month wait is a ridiculous policy--a majority of pregnancies are unplanned and I was so angry the first time we had to deal with this (when we were trying to conceive Merritt), I blogged about it here:http://marblesrolling.blogspot.com/2009/12/screwed.html. The only reason it "fits" into our plan is because we have known that we needed to make make it work.

    I read one of your more recent posts about iuds and being content with two--I look forward to that feeling and to knowing that the next phase of parenting is on the horizon. Do you feel liberated!? I imagine that's how I would feel :) Baby + toddler is super hard, does knowing that you won't be going through the newborn/baby phase again make it mentally easier to get through it? Like the light is right around the corner? I think putting energy into planning out the ideal spacing is a fun exercise in trying to account for every variable and control the final outcome (ha, ha), but I agree that whatever spread we end up with will work out just fine and will probably seem like the just the right thing when we have the perspective to look back on it all.

    I think Oliver and Bella are made for each other and I'm excited for you and Husband to move into whatever is up next for your family. I have felt things getting easier and easier as Merritt gets closer to 1.5...but don't quote me!

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  7. Jacqueline, I am curious about what you are doing to prepare your body to carry to term? I am trying to conceive right now and the idea of another preemie is of course very scary. I plan to take it easier physically next time around but would love to know if there is anything else I can do.

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