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The BoldHeartMama desires to enjoy living out the choices that she’s made for herself and for her family. She is a relentless learner: curious, inquisitive, and open to the possibilities of her life and of the human condition. She understands that there isn't one right way—she asks questions that dig deeper to make sense of it all and to find her own path.

She pays attention to and nurtures whatever it is she really cares about, letting go of the rest (for now) knowing she can't do and be everything all at once. She embraces her imperfections in favor of "good enough"—her imperfect self, her imperfect home, her imperfect mothering, her imperfect desires—and she never stops evolving as a woman and mother. She is a BoldHeart, authentic and true to herself.

The BoldHeartMama knows there is only this one life and she's all in. She is present and engaged and making things happen. Her intuition is her guide. She seeks to be inspired and relies on her creativity and her resourcefulness to solve the big and little challenges that she and her family face together as they navigate their relationships and their world.

The BoldHeartMama is willing to take calculated risks to make her biggest dreams come true. She is living out her BoldHeart in the moment, making small moves and taking little steps that add up, and she's cultivating a good life for herself and her family in the process. Read More!

Friday, June 15, 2012

losing baby weight

I recently started losing the weight that I gained when I was pregnant with Merritt.

Kind of anti-climactic at sixteen months postpartum, right? 

Ugh.

But let's take a little trip through the last couple years.

Here I am in Kauai, HI in 2008 in the high-range of a normal weight for my body. (Post Grave's Disease and a few months before we TTC).


And here I am 6 weeks pregnant with Roscoe after I lost ten pounds from the above photo:
Go Nat's!
I gained forty-six pounds with Roscoe and here I am with my sister on Mother's Day, one week before giving birth to him:

Five weeks after Roscoe was born I had just fifteen pounds to lose: 
Look at that little sweetie-boo!
If you followed my weekly McFatty Monday posts, you know I didn't lose those fifteen pounds until Roscoe was a year old. Even then, I lost twelve of them, not the full fifteen. 

Weeks 1, 12 and 20 of McFatty Monday progress to lose the final 15


Then I gained 4 pounds in the two months we spent trying to conceive Merritt.  Here I am posing 6 weeks pregnant with Merritt and headed to the office for a meeting.


Nearing the end in late January:

Three days before Merritt was born:

I gained 28 pounds during my pregnancy with Merritt and I lost none of it in the 5 weeks that we spent in the NICU. I ate hospital food to stay alert and to keep up with the insane schedule I was keeping. I was stressed beyond anything I've ever experienced and I gained weight while we were there.

When I finally brought Merritt home from the hospital, losing weight was on my mind but remained such a low priority that I never could commit to it.  

When Merritt was 5 months old I joined a CrossFit gym. I needed to do something to feel like myself, but the timing wasn't ideal. I had a nursling at home (who was still very much in the newborn phase), and I could commit to only 2 or 3 days a week. I was also carrying around an extra thirty-five pounds so I felt clumsy and awkward and out of shape. And embarrassed and miserable. But I kept going.

Then we moved to Richmond where I joined a new CrossFit gym. I go 4-5 days a week usually at 6am, which really deserves its own post so I won't elaborate here about how incredible it is and how I can now do unassisted pull-ups and toes to bar (and deadlift 270lbs)! It has been very rewarding and I love that I have that time set aside to devote to my fitness.

Eight weeks ago I got serious about the diet component and have lost 14 pounds, which feels like great progress, but I still have 22 pounds to lose before I arrive at my pre-babies weight. The surprising news is that I feel a greater level of comfort in my own skin, even now, than I've ever felt in my life. I'm not sure what to attribute that to. But I like it.

Is it the self-love work that I do every week with my therapist?!  The fact that I have two little souls to show for my effort and who depend on me to give them perspective in life--one that deservedly does not include negative self talk and loathing? Or maybe it is a desire to experience my life with my boys, through my body, feeling it all, and without regrets. I don't want to hide in this body. I want to live in it. And I want all the freedom that comes with that.

Maybe I will keep you updated on my journey back to baseline, it was motivating last go 'round!

9 comments :

  1. Good for you feeling comfortable in your skin. I really wish I could get to that. I still have about 5 lbs. to lose from this baby and it makes me feel horrible everyday. I know 5 lbs. is nothing to write home about, but for some reason, I just hate seeing that high number on the scale and it makes me feel crappy. I really have to work on realizing that the two children I created are way better than the extra 5 lbs... but, seriously, I admire your self-esteem and confidence and wish you the best with your fitness routine.

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    1. Thanks! I know it is very hard to undergo all the changes that happen to our bodies during pregnancy. Especially with back to back pregnancies like we both had. I am not really a "numbers" person when it comes to weight loss, although I do use it as a gauge, and my body is different now, so I know even at goal weight it will not be the same as it was before I had kids. The thing that has always bothered me is that I feel the same about myself and my body (more or less) no matter what weight I am at. It was never good enough. And then i would look back and think what the HELL was my problem I looked good! I'm almost 30, I have a lot of living to do. I do not want my weight to hold me back from doing the things that I want to do like take my son to swim lessons or go tubing down the river (or to wear shorts during the summertime, for that matter). What a waste! I'm not saying that I have 100% confidence but i do have a sense of calm about all of this and a feeling that things are different in a really positive way this time. I may always struggle with some insecurity but I don't want it to paralyze me. It's all in our heads, and you looked fantastic a few weeks after Jake was born. We know our "flaws" all too intimately and so it is easy to focus on them, or feel like that is what others see when they look at us. But it isn't! :) When I gave in and bought some new clothes (non-maternity, even though I hadn't lost any weight) just being more comfortable in clothes that actually fit right made a huge difference for me. Maybe you need a little shopping spree?

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  2. I used to obsess over the numbers and the best thing I ever did was stop weighing myself. Not looking at the scale = stop having that number constantly in my head obsessing. Instead just trying to live a healthy active life. Maybe not for everyone, but was good for me!

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    1. I totally agree. Living is a better use of our time than getting bogged down in the details!

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    2. Easier said than done, sometimes! But good advice.

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  3. I bet you are feeling better and more confident in your new shape for the reasons you mentioned AND the fact that you are taking the time to exercise several times a week. That alone always makes me feel better even if I don't necessarily look much different as a result.
    You certainly carry your weight well. I never would have guess that you gained 46 lbs while pregnant, you looked just perfect.
    I'm a big fan of putting my weight loss goals out there on my blog, it gives me a sense of accountability and allows me to share not only my downfalls, but successes as well. While I did lose the baby weight after each of my pregnancies, as soon as I stopped breastfeeding, an extra 5 jumped right back on my body. And of course, my body is just shaped differently now as well. I haven't done much to try and lose it or tone up. I just feel like I have more important things to focus my energy on these days. But the fact that I SHOULD try and lose it is always sort of lingering in the back of my mind.
    Good luck to you! I looks like you are on the right track!

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  4. I have to say while I have been in my healthy BMI for over a year now before christmas I was 7lbs lighter than I am now. However I had 6 weeks in the lead up to Christmas with sickness at home, a blow out of a Christmas, and in the new year I managed to kick smoking which I foolishly went back to when J was 6 months old. When I look back and think what I have accomplished since Christmas in that way plus the fact that I now do two spin classes and 1-2 weight work outs a week on top of clocking up between 4-8 miles a day on my pedometer I have never been this fit and slowly I am finding peace with the wobbly bits that pregnancy and being over weight all my life have left behind.

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  5. Oh and we are our own worst critics when it comes to weight and body shape. No one ever says to me you looked better before christmas, all my clothes fit, and my body shape is better I have actually finally noticed the bingo wings are slowly going.

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  6. Yay for feeling back in business :) And I also feel more secure & confident in my skin post babies, even though I"m older, poofier stomach, stretch marks, boobs doing weird things, etc etc.

    And I'm always a big fan of self-love work.

    YAY YOU!

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