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The BoldHeartMama desires to enjoy living out the choices that she’s made for herself and for her family. She is a relentless learner: curious, inquisitive, and open to the possibilities of her life and of the human condition. She understands that there isn't one right way—she asks questions that dig deeper to make sense of it all and to find her own path.

She pays attention to and nurtures whatever it is she really cares about, letting go of the rest (for now) knowing she can't do and be everything all at once. She embraces her imperfections in favor of "good enough"—her imperfect self, her imperfect home, her imperfect mothering, her imperfect desires—and she never stops evolving as a woman and mother. She is a BoldHeart, authentic and true to herself.

The BoldHeartMama knows there is only this one life and she's all in. She is present and engaged and making things happen. Her intuition is her guide. She seeks to be inspired and relies on her creativity and her resourcefulness to solve the big and little challenges that she and her family face together as they navigate their relationships and their world.

The BoldHeartMama is willing to take calculated risks to make her biggest dreams come true. She is living out her BoldHeart in the moment, making small moves and taking little steps that add up, and she's cultivating a good life for herself and her family in the process. Read More!

Friday, May 6, 2011

Family work in progress


I feel like a hostage again. But I know it's not forever.

My once mellow and not at all demanding baby has recently turned a 180 and assumed the more familiar role of protesting sleep anywhere but in my arms, and an extreme preference for nursing over everything else.

I'm frustrated with having to maneuver through every day handicapped by the use of only one arm. I frequently opt not to do the things that I want or need to do because the agony of muddling through it one-handed is just too much. Of the moby wrap, sakura bloom ring sling, and hotsling pouch, none truly allow me full freedom --I frequently find myself propping Merritt's head, supporting his butt, or otherwise reinforcing the carrier. Even though wearing Merritt in the Bloom is 100 times better than not wearing him, I'm disappointed by this.

Roscoe has, on cue, realized that I am incapacitated when nursing, and therefore unable to enforce any spoken directives. Our "discipline" of choice so far has been redirection or removal. Impossible choices when couch-bound. It's not always enough to verbally corral Roscoe, and I can't reinforce my words with action when I'm nursing. I've resorted to ignoring his antics when I'm not able to follow through--an irritating scenario that I quite frequently find myself in.

Some days I feel I let Roscoe down. Merritt is in the sling, or nursing 98% of the day. It's hard to meet the needs of everyone simultaneously, but even I am tired of hearing myself say, "let me finish x with Merritt, and THEN we can do y", or "I can't do x right now, I'm nursing Merritt." Merritt, Merritt, Merritt!

The last few days have been particularly hard, and after giving it some thought I was happy to remember that all things with babies and toddlers come in phases. Soon Merritt will be heartier, and able to hang out on his own a little more. This week nap time was a disaster, but that's not to say that next week will be the same.

The kids' needs and their routines are out of sync right now. The three of us do our little dance around each other all day, every day, and sometimes we all line up, and sometimes we don't. We're figuring it out together.

5 comments :

  1. Have you tried a carrier, like a Boba? I love mine and it will free up both of your hands. www.clothandcarry.com carries them.

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  2. I can (sort of) relate, even though I only have one. Deep breaths, and repeat - it will get easier, it will get easier...

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  3. My oldest turn 26 this week - you have so many adventures to come with your offspring. Do you still have that beautiful doggy ?

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  4. That sounds so hard. I feel like a hostage too, but at least I can just watch tv while I nurse all day, wrangling Roscoe sounds tough. Hopefully this will pass soon.

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  5. In a few months, you will look back at these momemnts and laugh. Justin is now 3 years old and I remember being on maternity leave with a new born and a 2 1/2 year old. Jordan was so insanely jealous of Justin that he made life impossible. He went from being completely uncooperative to manipulative once he figured out that I was not a threat to him while dealing with "the baby". Once Justin started walking (end of 9 months) Jordan's attitude towards him changed. He now had a friend and life got easier. Jordan became more helpful and the two are very close today.

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